sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
