Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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