my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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