3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
