Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
