Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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