There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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