I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
