Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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