just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
