We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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