why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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