But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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