just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
