Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
