apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
