ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Alive.
So much puke
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
