Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
