pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
