It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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