Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
