so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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