belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
