You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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