I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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