in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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