forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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