I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
