I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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