STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
