my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
