ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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