Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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