Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
