honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
