Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize