Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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