i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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