That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
