I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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