You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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