I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
40s are totally the cure
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
