I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
