His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize