My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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