for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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