I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
