420 ftw
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
