I need help removing her.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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