So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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