Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
