How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
