Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
