Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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