I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
