girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
