Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
