i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
