i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
