we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize