Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
