Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
