I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
