I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
