if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
