i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize