You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
