bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
