I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
