Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize