apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
