my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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