took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
