what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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