Since when is my name a synonym for head?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
