and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
