Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
