I want to have your abortion
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
