there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
